Shame 6-Mental and Physical Health

We continue our 12-part series on shame, based on Brene′ Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. 

We publish on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Each week we are introducing each blog with this quote from Brene′.

“People often want to believe that shame is reserved for people who have survived an unspeakable trauma, but this is not true.  Shame is something we all experience.  And while it feels as if shame hides in our darkest corners, it actually tends to lurk in all of the familiar places. 

Today’s Topic …

Mental and Physical Health

“The old body just ain’t what she used to be.”

“I can’t do that any longer.”

“You go ahead.  I’ll be there when I get there.”

“Let’s see now, where did I put that.”

“Now what did I come in here for?”

Mental and physical decay - It happens to all of us and usually at the worst moment.

Oh, the shame of getting old. 

The words become more and more familiar as we age.

“I can no longer …”

“I can’t remember like I once did.”

“Let’s slow down.  I can’t keep up.”

And along comes shame.

Along comes regret.

Along comes resentment.

And shame never leaves.  It just makes room for these other companions.

Brene′ makes a statement in her book that I want to use as a frame for this topic today. 

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Can you imagine anyone more vulnerable to shame than someone with deteriorating physical or mental health?

Can you see that shame is the cause of disconnection?  And when we feel disconnected we begin to lose our sense of belonging, of worthiness and usefulness.  If we feel flawed who could possibly love us?  We can’t even love ourselves.

Perhaps this week we speak to the siblings and children of someone who is suffering with mental and physical health shame.  What can you do to bolster your friend/parent/sibling?

Consider some of these:

-Let them know they are still a worthwhile and valued individual. 

-Asking for help is strength, not a weakness.

-Do what you can with what you have at this moment in time.  That is all that is expected.

-Allow them to reminisce, and enter into the storytelling with them.

-Accept them for who they are and for the legacy they have left thus far.

Above all – ABOVE ALL, show empathy.  Brene′ says:

“Let’s understand the power of empathy.

If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things for it to grow.

     Secrecy

          Silence

               Judgment

If you put empathy in a Petri dish with shame, shame cannot grow.

The two most powerful words to use when showing empathy:  “Me Too.”

You really need to read Brene′s book. 

Order Daring Greatly HERE 

P Michael Biggs

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