We
continue our 12-part series on shame, based on Brene′ Brown’s book, Daring Greatly.
Publication
days: Monday – Wednesday - Friday
Each
week we are introducing each blog with this quote from Brene′.
“People
often want to believe that shame is reserved for people who have survived an
unspeakable trauma, but this is not true.
Shame is something we all experience.
And while it feels as if shame hides in our darkest corners, it actually
tends to lurk in all of the familiar places.
Today’s
Topic …
Surviving Trauma
Trauma
comes in all kinds of packages.
Death
of a significant other
Divorce
Loss
of job
Bankruptcy
Life-threatening
illness
Birth
of a child with defects
Devastating
weather system that destroyed homes and dreams
Loss
of income
…
and more …
In
most cases one feels not only the loss of something or someone, but also that we
are somehow diminished, we are less of a person because of this trauma, and
therefore we open the door to shame.
The
song goes like this:
-“I must be a bad person for something like this to happen
to me.”
-“If only I had …”
-“I wish I would have said no.”
-“We should have … years ago.”
We
cast a serious dose of shame onto ourselves.
Once
the trauma hits, there is little one can do in the early days but ride it out
until one can get his/her feet back on more solid ground and re-achieve some
semblance of level ground emotionally.
Ah
– level ground. What a great place to
find in the middle of a trauma. The word
“trauma” itself depicts upheaval, unsettling, disruption and a great sense of
loss. The thing we crave most is
stability.
Stability.
From
my own experiences with divorce and bankruptcy I know firsthand that my
greatest need during those times was a tremendous sense of level ground. Where could I find stability?
I
detested the stigma of ‘divorce’. I went
around for days repeating to myself “This
wasn’t supposed to happen to me.”
Shame kicked in and I felt I had a big wart in the middle of my forehead
and everyone was starring at it.
And
a few years later, when bankruptcy came along, it started again with the upheaval
and the intense feeling of shame.
What
is the way out from under the shame that tags along with most traumas?
Brene’
offers some tremendous insights in her book.
One thing she says is this: “Don’t over-share the details of your
trauma.”
Few individuals fully understand what we have
just experienced, and the ones who don’t understand wince and want to avoid us
for fear of being dragged back into the conversation and the drama of our trauma.
You
will need to talk about your trauma, and it is wise to find someone who has had
a similar experience, however, above all, the greatest resource is always, always
your professional therapist.
Traumas
can be survived. The shame will diminish
and evaporate. It just takes time and
wise guidance from a trusted source.
P Michael Biggs
Offering
Hope
Encouragement
Inspiration
One Word
at a Time
No comments:
Post a Comment