Focus

When I started my blogging life my first five articles were about focus. There is a bit more that I would like to say about this topic, especially for those of us in the people/management business. This is for managing our businesses and our personal lives.

One of my favorite books is The Winds of War by Herman Wouk. In this book, Mr. Wouk recounts a scene in which General E. J. Tillet, military author and one of the Commanding Generals for England during WWII, is speaking to the main character named Pug Henry. Tillet, in referring to Herman Goring, said this about Goring.

“He’s wasted a whole bloody month bombing harbors and pottering about after convoys. He’s only got till September the fifteenth. His mission is mastery of the air, not blockade. Define your mission! Define your mission and stick to it!”

I love that line. And it has so many applications for all of us, regardless of our job, our dreams, our families, our ethnicity or our bank account.

Define Your Mission

and Stick to It!”

I am a huge fan of Think and Grow Rich, the Napoleon Hill classic that many successful individuals have made their life-time study book. In it Mr. Hill clearly lays out this very philosophy. He refers to this concept as “your great desire”, “your burning desire” and other such references. Every night as a part of my nightly reading I review my own goals, dreams and desires as Mr. Hill suggests. Here is his formula that we might consider.

1 Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient merely to say I want plenty of money. Be definite as to the amount you desire.


2 Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. There is no such reality as “something for nothing”.


3 Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.


4 Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire, and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.


5 Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intent to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.


6 Read your written statement aloud twice daily, once just before retiring at night and once after arising in the morning. AS YOU READ, SEE, FEEL AND BELIEVE YOURSELF ALREADY IN POSSESSION OF THE MONEY.

On the May 2011 Success Magazine CD disc, Daren Hardy interviews Mari Smith, a social media specialist. Mari gave us this tip, which is an acrostic for the word F-O-C-U-S.

F Follow

O One

C Course

U Until

S Successful


What a great summation for our thought for today. It really does all come back down to FOCUS doesn’t it?

Remember,

DEFINE YOUR MISSION AND STICK TO IT!

The Things People Say

When I was in college I played drums for a musical group called “The Encounters.” After a concert one night a man in our audience made this remark about me.

“That drummer is going to hell.”

Can you imagine that? I was going to hell just because I played the drums.

What about other words and phrases that you and I have had directed our way down through the years? Have we given them validity, or have we successfully evaluated them and decided for ourselves that they bear no consideration in living our lives?

Words can hurt and words can also heal.

I want to offer words that heal. My bi-line is “offering hope, encouragement and inspiration one word at a time.”

Have you ever had any of these explosive, poisonous barbs thrown your way?
Sleezeball
  Lazy
    Fatso
      Dummy
        Looser
          Clumsy
          Fag
        Stupid
      Idiot
    “You’re ugly and nobody likes you”
  “You’re not cool. Leave. Go away.”
“You have no friends and you’re not important at all”
(These last six words/phrases were contributed by TJ and Josh, my grandsons – fresh stuff from today’s real world)

I was once given a T-shirt with this saying on it: “I must hurry and catch up to the others, for I am their leader.”

Oh, we laugh at that, but down deep inside, I cringed.

As a child, I was told, “Leave that thing alone, boy. You don’t know nothin’ (Tennessee colloquialism) about machinery.”

All I was doing was watching an old reel-to-reel tape recorder with the tape spinning and the recording meter lights blinking. What a fascinating thing for this twelve-year-old boy.

Sometimes we gather these unfortunate labels like a bad smell. They cling to us.

So what do we do about these labels?

They play, sometimes endlessly, in our minds. Perhaps you heard one or two of these phrases this morning while getting ready for your day.

Space is limited for this subject, but I do want to say this to you. We must find some ways of laying down the heavy burden these words and phrases cast upon us.

It takes work.
It takes reframing a better, truer image of ourselves.
It also takes self-forgiveness.

And on occasion we may need to seek professional counseling. If you find yourself in need of professional help, please seek it.

Remember this: Just because “they” said it doesn’t mean it is so!

Let me say that again.

Just because

“they”

said it

doesn’t mean

it is so!

The good news? I in no way see myself as clumsy, a lousy leader, or incompetent. Who say’s “I don’t know nuthin’ about machinery?”

I’ve had to redo some tapes that I once heard in my head.
I’ve erased some.
I’ve ignored others.

And in most cases I’ve created new and better, more wholesome tapes that I now play. They are good words of esteem, wholesome comments and beliefs about who I am.

You can do the same. You can recreate new and better tapes that you play in your head about yourself.

I heard Ethel Waters once say, “God don’t make junk.”

My friend, you and I are not junk. We are whole, creative, beautiful creatures of a loving God and we have stuff inside of us that is good and right.

Believe in your goodness. Create a new image of YOU!

What matters most is what you say to yourself; the conversations that go on between your two ears.

--Do you like yourself?
--Do you approve of yourself?
--Do you allow God to love you just as you are?

Say “YES” to YOU!

Let the new journey begin!

Progress, Not Perfection

I’m moving toward better.

“I’m not perfect, but I’m getting better.”

I posted a blog a few weeks ago with these words as the title.

I’ve got more to say on this subject.

You see, for me it’s all about making progress, not reaching perfection. After living a bunch of years I finally realize that I’ll never be perfect. I’ll never achieve perfection. I’ll never consistently do everything exactly right and according to every person’s standards that I meet in my day-to-day living.

Perfection! What a heavy, ponderous burden to carry around anyway.

Nobody is perfect. And if you think you are, I’d like for some of your perfection to rub off on me. Just a little.

I don’t think I could stand myself if I were too perfect. I might want to brag about it, and then I wouldn’t be perfect, cause I’d have a touch of pride, and everybody knows pride is wrong, so I’m back to not being perfect again.

What a crazy merry-go-round this gets to be. Chasing our tails just to be perfect.

Let me put you out of your misery. Just aim to be better. Make progress.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m reading and following Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. Julia gave me the idea for this blog, which is a footnote to my blog posted on March 10, 2011.

Julia says this in her book: “Mistakes are necessary. Stumbles are normal.” She then adds, "Progress, not perfection, is what we should be asking of ourselves.”

Wow! Somebody actually dares to tell us we are gonna foul up occasionally and that is OK! I like this lady.

I’m not looking for excuses to screw up. I’m looking for a salve to ease the pain when I sometimes do stumble, mumble and fall.

Can I hear an “Amen”?

I can do better in just about every area of my life.
I can be a better …
Husband
  Writer
    Speaker
      Neighbor
        Step-parent
          Grandparent
            Communicator
              Dresser
               Christian
                 Man
                   Citizen
                     Brother
                       Drummer
                         Bongoist (I recently bought a set of bongos)

I can do a ton of things better.

Am I ever perfect?

--Some days I look pretty darn good
       (when Carolyn picks out my shirt and tie)
--Some days I drive perfectly
       (under the speed limit without talking on my cell phone)
--Some days I write amazing stuff
       (you should see my computer files and be amazed for yourself)

But other days -- Oh my.

I am a train wreck looking for a place to happen. (Wow, that is actually pretty good writing right there)

So, enough said on this subject. I think you got the point long before now.

I’m a work in progress. Care to join me?

Let’s do “better” together.

Never Give In

Michael Jordan, basketball great, once said, “I have failed over and over again in life. That is why I have succeeded.”

During the 90’s, Donald Trump was once a billion dollars in debt. He stated, “I refused to give up. Defeat is not in my vocabulary.”

Remember Babe Ruth? Here’s what he said. “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.”

I love Winston Churchill. He lost every election for public office until he became prime minister. His words still reach out to us today. “Never give in; never give in, never, never, never, never – in nothing, great or small, large or petty – never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”

Vince Lombardi, the immortal coach, was quoted as saying, “It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get back up.”

Richard Branson, Venture capitalist says, “You fail if you don’t try. If you try and you fail, yes, you’ll have a few articles saying you’ve failed at something. But if you look at the history of American entrepreneurs, one thing I do know about them: an awful lot of them have tried and failed in the past and gone on to great things.”

In the October 2010 issue of Success Magazine, Arianna Huffington, published author and nationally syndicated columnist, public radio host and other noted accomplishments clearly states this. “Perseverance is everything.”

She goes on to say “failure is a steppingstone to success.”

What can my voice possibly add to these words from some great individuals in our current and past history?

Just this;

Failure is not final!

Maybe it’s just something that doesn’t work in a particular situation and you need to find a different, better way.

Maybe…

There is an old adage in the marketing industry that says “when a marketing person runs out of ideas he/she is out of a job.” Ouch!

But the ideas are out there somewhere. They are just awaiting your discovery.

Remember this:
Man landing on the moon was just an idea waiting to be claimed. John F. Kennedy snagged that one.
The automobile? – Henry Ford.
Man in flight? The Wright brothers.
Computer software on a grand scale? Bill Gates and Paul Allen.
Facebook? Mark Zuckerberg.

You get the picture.

May you find the guts, the perseverance and the will to turn your hopes, dreams and wishes into success.

Never Give In!

Keep Showing Up

I’m reading The Artist’s Way and following the guidance that author Julia Cameron offers through each chapter. A phrase she uses to encourage her readers to keep with the program is, “Keep showing up at the pages.” As part of the assignment, we are to write a minimum of three pages; stream of consciousness thoughts every day. They can be random, haphazard and about anything and everything that is on my mind for that moment in time. My job is simply to show up and write.

I love the concept of “Keep showing up.” We do that for life, sometimes willingly, sometimes reluctantly. Regardless, we “show up”.

Keep showing up. That’s what most successful people do every day. They show up.

Babe Ruth showed up. He struck out more times than he hit home runs, but he showed up.

Michael Jordan showed up. He missed some critical shots, lost game winning free-throws, but he kept showing up.

I have some friends who are scientists; working on the next cure for whatever ails us. They sometimes put the wrong ingredients together and have to start all over. But they keep showing up.

Bill Gates and Paul Allen kept showing up in the early days of Microsoft. They worked hard, they showed up and now the world is peppered with their products.

My dreams don’t unlock themselves. I have to keep showing up and trying different keys, different ideas, and words and phrases and angles. But I keep showing up.

I have to show up in my relationship with Carolyn. Not just physically be in her presence, but be in the moment with her in conversation, in sharing activities, in living life. I have to show up.

These pages don’t write themselves. I have to be there, put my hands to the task, and examine my mind. I show up.

Are you showing up today? It’s not enough to be there, it’s an act of involvement that Julia’s talking about. It’s an extra measure of yourself that you put into whatever you find needs doing.

It’s the showing up and then doing that is important. Some days I’d rather not write. I’d rather not do a lot of things, but then my life would be one of abandonment, one of randomness, and one of less.

Less.
         Detachment.
                             Abandonment.

Those speak of things in life that we don’t show up for.

When we show up, we invest. We invite. We engage. We become something more. We put out a bit more of ourselves.

We show up.

And sooner rather than later we show up in impressive ways by leaving good marks on other’s lives.

That’s the good part about showing up.

I want to leave my mark -- On your life.
                                    On your heart.
                                          On your path.

So, I keep showing up. Every Friday.

Thanks for inviting me in.

I'm Not Perfect, But I Am Better

I wish I were perfect. Do you?

Perfect people, if they exist at all, are something to behold, that’s for sure. Perfect people never have problems, everything always turns out right for them, they always marry the right person, have the best, most perfectly behaved kids, have the perfect job, their hair always looks perfect, their clothes always look the absolute best, their shoes are always shined, their shoe laces are always tied, they speak four languages perfectly, they make tons of money.

They are perfect.

Now, before you and I throw up at the thought of perfection, hold on a minute. Is anyone that good?

I doubt it very seriously. From what I read, people make mistakes. They stumble and fall, they mess up, and they make poor decisions. They in effect do more things wrong than they do right.


Don’t have a weak heart. Don’t despair because your life is not “perfect.”


Remember this:

“I may not be perfect,

but I can get better.”

That is something I can hook onto, can you?

I may not be perfect,

but I can be better

every day.

Wow. Love that! I can do that.


Here’s another way of saying this: “Just because we have failed at something doesn’t mean we are a failure.”


I love this quote from Michael Jordan, basketball great. He certainly wasn’t “perfect” according to this comment. Michael once said:

“I have missed over 9,000 shots

in my career. I have lost almost 300 games.

On 26 occasions I have been entrusted

to take the game winning shot … and missed.

I have failed over and over again

in my life – and that is precisely

why I have succeeded.”

My, oh my. You mean to say big people make mistakes? Icons of sports, industry, and world leaders? Even normal mortals like me make mistakes?


That is exactly what I mean.


You see. We take the trials and tribulations of life, the foibles, the mistakes, the fumbles and the foul balls and we do better next time.


We Get Better!


That’s it.

We get better.

 -I can’t live a perfect life. I’m not a perfect husband. Ask Carolyn.
-I’m not a perfect writer. Read some of my past stuff.
-I’m not the world’s greatest speech maker – yet.
-I’ve fumbled, mumbled, misspelled, misrepresented, tripped, fallen down, sang off key, missed deadlines, and gone bankrupt. But I’m getting better.


I’m better for having experienced every one of these mis-steps.


Was it pleasant at the time? Certainly not.


But I made it through every one of life’s pitfalls and mistakes.


I’m reading and following the prescription in Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. On page 30 she makes this statement that caught my attention. “In order to be good you have to be bad.”


You ever thought anyone would applaud you for being bad? I can handle that.


I wrote a blog a few months ago and used the following quote “The arrow that hits the bull’s eye is the result of a hundred misses.”


Now that is far from perfect. Perfection is not even in sight with that statement.

But we get better.

 Aim, fire, miss, strike out – aim again, correct your angle, correct the amount of pressure.

Correct
               Correct
                                Correct


You are getting better.


Perfect? Not likely.


Better? Every day, in every way, with every correction.


I want to be better. What do you want?

I See What You Are Saying

For those of us in the people business, we always say more than we think we are say.

There is a vast amount of material on the market today that deals with non-verbal communication (often called body language). I just finished the book You Say More than You Think by Janine Driver. Here are some highlights from this 229-page powerhouse book.

Key Principle – Total Communication
--50% of what we communicate with others is nonverbal.

-- When we focus simply on the trees, instead of taking the time to slow down our judgments and look at the entire forest, we can miss valuable information. This is a phenomenon called inattentive blindness, also known as perceptual blindness, and it’s related to how our minds see and process information.

Key Principle -- First Impressions
The first thirty seconds may be all you have to make a good impression.

Within the first seven seconds of meeting someone, he/she has already formed the first impression of you. This “primacy effect” dictates whether or not the person will trust you.

Key Principle -- The Belly Button Principle
Our belly buttons speak volumes about what we think and feel and especially where we do and do not want to be.

The direction of the torso determines a person’s level of interest.

Belly button direction is the most important aspect of reading a person’s intention.
The direction of our belly button reflects our attitude and reveals our emotional state.

When we suddenly turn our navel toward a door or an exit or simply away from someone, we subconsciously send the signal that we want out of the conversation and perhaps even out of the interaction.

Let’s take a tip from former president Bill Clinton. When President Clinton greets someone, he points his belly button to the one he is greeting, smiles, and gives them a great handshake... After he lets go of the individual’s hand and moves to the next person, he keeps eye contact on the first person for an extra second as if to say, “I hate to let you go.”

What an important people skill.

When people angle their belly button away from you, they are communicating one of several possibilities:
-I don’t like you, trust you
-I want out of here
-I’m hiding something

Key Principle – The Feet
This is tied to the belly-button principle. A person’s feet always point in the direction of where their body wants to go. For sales people, make sure and position your feet toward your prospect, face to face, in a direct line. Watch your prospects feet. Are they with you or headed for the door? This is worth noting, and then figure out what to do to re-engage your prospect.

OK, that’s enough for today. You need to read the book to discover what Janine means when she refers to your “naughty bits” and the fig leaf cover-up, and there is some other great material that is worth knowing.

Hope you are intrigued. It really is a terrific book and one I highly recommend if you really want to understand all of the ways in which you and I communicate.

After all, I can see what you are saying.